


And They Were Roommates. Oh my god they were roommates

by 3x3



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, I'm not funny, M/M, i need to go the hell to sleep, oof it's second person pov btw, the rest of datekou are mentioned!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 07:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15214370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3x3/pseuds/3x3
Summary: A crack-ish love story(?) told in snippets.





	And They Were Roommates. Oh my god they were roommates

**Author's Note:**

  * For [injeong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/injeong/gifts).



> yoooooooo it's been ages since i last wrote ANY oifuta and i'm not going to lie, there have been certain times that i've felt maybe i've made my peace with this ship. Maybe it's time to move on.  
> But then being the predictable lil shit i am i fell right back into oifuta hell.  
> Thank injeong for this because if not for them I might have actually given up on writing this rarepair. *gasp  
> Seriously thank you you are the sweetest and it's only due to you that I got my motivation back <3  
> well, enough motivation to write this out anyway

“Niro- _chan_ ’s just not physically capable of niceness.”

“Screw you. I’m perfectly nice.”

“Oh yeah?” He raises his eyebrows at you. “Say something nice about me, then.”

You roll your eyes exasperatedly. “What do you want me to say?”

“Something from the deep of your heart.  Tell me what you admire most about me.”

“That’s easy. I admire your complete disregard of each and every authority figure in your life. How do you manage to piss all of them off? Now _that’s_ real talent.”

He makes a face. “That’s not even remotely nice.”

You shrug. “It’s genuine though. And that’s what matters most.”

* * *

 

So here’s the thing.

You did not anticipate to run into _Oikawa Tooru,_ of all people, in college.

And you _most definitely did not_ expect to somehow become his roommate.

Because come on.

He’s an year older, shouldn’t you be rooming with another freshman? Not to mention that you did not think you’d see Oikawa Tooru ever again.

But there he is, sitting in your room, cross-legged with a laptop balanced dangerously on his laps, and he doesn’t even notice it’s _you_ when he greets you halfheartedly without lifting his head. “You must be my new roommate.”

And you just stand there, gobsmacked.

You must’ve entered the room incorrectly.

So you back up wearily, closes the door, and tries again.

No such luck. The bastard’s still there.

He finally starts to look up at that. “Hey, new guy. You okay there? You’re awfully quiet.”

Your eyes meet.

“Holy shit.” he says.

* * *

 

So here’s the thing.

“I thought my roommate was supposed to be-” You pause, momentarily feeling bad for not being able to memorize the name of your assigned roommate on that email they sent you. “Kamiya Mamoru or whatever his name is.”

“There’s been a change of plans, or so I’ve been told.” He replies nonchalantly. “The officials should’ve sent you a text about the arrangement?”

You check your inbox.

He’s right. Shit.

“I can _not_ believe it.” He muses. “I’m actually rooming with Datekou’s captain- _kun_.”

“Don’t worry.” You reassure him. “I can’t believe it either. I’m still semi-convinced that this is a hallucinated nightmare that resulted from the bad soup I had yesterday evening.”

* * *

 

“Well, consider us properly acquainted since my team kicking your team’s ass probably wasn’t the best start of a relationship. Let’s try again.” He smiles at you cheerily. “Hi, I’m Oikawa Tooru, you must be my new roommate, Niro Kenji- _kun_. Nice to meet you.”

"It’s pronounced as _Futakuchi goddamit._ ”

* * *

 

“Why are you even rooming with me? Don’t you already have a roommate from last year?”

“I did! But he’s gone on a study tour so they just slid me in your empty slot.”

“How did you even manage to make that sound inappropriate?” You shake your head tiredly.

“You tell me.” He counters by raising his eyebrows. “You’re the one with the dirty mind.”

* * *

So here’s the thing.

Oikawa Tooru is the single _most_ infuriating roommate one could get.

You wonder what celestial deity you must have offended in your past lives to land you this unfortunate fate.

* * *

 

You find remains of candy wrappers _everywhere._

* * *

 

There’s always dirty laundry splayed on the floors and it’s a challenge to reach your bed successfully.

* * *

 

“I swear to everything that is holy in this corrupted world if you don’t shut your alarm off _right now-_ ”

“That’s _your_ alarm dumbass!”

* * *

 

In short, you don’t match at all.

On a good day, you’re ready to strangle him in his sleep and dump his corpse in the obscure back stairway no one even uses anymore due to the failed lights.

On a bad day, you’re ready to bash your own head in with his lamp just so you can frame him for murder.

Thank heavens you’ve never actually followed through either of them. They’d probably leave a mark on your record.

Or your person.

* * *

 

“Oi, I’m going to the convenience store to get lunch. Want anything, Niro- _kun_?”

“For the _last time_ my name is _Futakuchi_.”

* * *

 

You don’t get any sympathy from your ex teammates when you complain about it in your group chat.

Moniwa says it’s good to learn to tolerate people who are different from you.

Kamasaki laughs heartlessly and tells him to suck it up, more or less.

Sasaya ignores your melodramatic cries of woe. (Fair enough.)

The rest of the team more or less makes fun of your suffering because what could possibly be more fun than building your joy on someone else’s misery?

_You don’t understand._ You type away desperately. _He’s an absolute MENACE. A nightmare to live with._

_A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE YA LIL SHIT_

You are well-loved by your team like that.

* * *

 

So here’s the thing.

Maybe you were a little harsh on him before.

But just a _little_.

So here’s the thing.

Sometimes you stay up studying, because whatever lies your high school teachers feed you about how college is all about freedom and fun times, it isn’t, and the workload is _insane._ Sure you can sleep til noon if you don’t have any morning classes that day, but it doesn’t make you any less busy, with all the projects and activities apart from your school work.

And sometimes you don’t manage to make it to your bed.

And _that’s_ how you find yourself waking up at your desk, a jacket you do not recognize draped warmly on your shoulders. You rub your eyes and your gaze focuses on a packet of milk bread sitting on the side of your textbook you had fallen asleep on. A note with fancy calligraphy read _No need to thank me for my generosity~_

You mutter. “I don’t even like milk bread. At least leave some sour gummies next time.”

But you’re smiling and there’s something that feels a little too tight in your chest and darn it Kenji have you grown so weak that you’re giving in to food bribery?

You almost thank him about it when you get back to the dorm after your classes but upon seeing yet _another_ misplaced hairbrush of his sitting obnoxiously on your bunk vanquishes the thought in an instant.

* * *

 

Good news, he’s still a jerk, so you feel less guilty about snarking at him all the time when he shoots right back at you.

But you do feel a little less hostile towards him now, not that he has to know about it.

You see, outside of volleyball, you don’t really have that much in common after all.

He’s into space science (and alien conspiracies), when you’re more about technology and machinery.

He’s a morning person while you’re a night owl.

He’s a dreamer while you take things realistically.

He’s very very different, from all the people you’ve ever met before.

For example, you’ve never seen another being as dedicated to their own hair as Oikawa Tooru is. It’s sort of impressive, actually.

* * *

 

“I get the feeling that you don’t like me very much.” He confronts you one day, frowning.

“Gee, what gives you _that_ idea?”

“You’re constantly snappy towards me. You can’t get through a five-minute conversation without rolling your eyes at me. This morning I texted you _I’m going to be out a little later than usual, don’t miss me too much!_ And you responded with _Don’t come back._ ” He crossed his arms and pouts. “You know, I have feelings too, Niro- _chan_. You really wound me sometimes. My heart is bleeding because of you.”

“Wow.” You deadpan. “You really are shameless.”

* * *

 

So here’s the thing.

Time mellows out everything, including pure and utter distaste, it turns out, because miraculously, you got used to Oikawa Tooru and all his antics.

You still bicker, but now the jabs are much more playful and with less heat.

Unbelievable. You might even start to be somewhat _fond_ of him.

* * *

 

“I got you a slushie on my way home, no need to thank me.”

“Ugh, you’re a lifesave- _You shithead you know I hate Fanta!_ ”

* * *

 

_Hey I borrowed your laptop charger thanks._

_NO WAIt I NEED IT_

* * *

 

A girl comes up to you shyly and asks you if Oikawa Tooru has a girlfriend.

“None that I know of.” You answer truthfully. “But why are you asking me?”

“Well,” she flushes an even darker red. “You’re his roommate, right? And you two are friends.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” You muse. “Anyway, sorry I can’t offer a definite answer.”

“It’s okay, thank you.” she says solemnly. “If anyone knows, it’s got to be you, Futakuchi- _kun_.”

You don’t know why the idea of Oikawa Tooru with a girlfriend surprises you so much.

He _is_ a ladies’ man. Always flirting, always charming.

You don’t know how these girls can be so smitten with him when they don’t even know how much of a loser Oikawa really is.

You shake the thought off your mind.

* * *

 

So here’s the thing.

It’s during one of your rants to Aone that you get hit with the Big RevelationTM.

"I mean yeah, he’s attractive, but I just don’t get it. They have no idea about his complete lack of fashion sense. They haven’t seen him singing into his hairdrier like a giant nerd. They don’t know he still sobs at the end of _Wolf Children_. They don’t really _know_ him. And still he keeps their hopes up by flashing his stupid smile and accepting their gifts.”

You halt in your mid-spiral.

Aone looks at you curiously in silence.

“Shit I totally have a crush on him.”

* * *

 

It’s all very comical if you actually stop and consider the situation.

But it’s happening to you, so it’s not really that comical after all.

You search _how to make your feelings go away,_ but all you get are suicide-prevention sites and anti depression methods.

Thanks, internet.

* * *

 

“You’ve been acting strangely quiet lately. Are you alright?” He knits his eyebrows in concern.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but why do you care?” You pause. “Actually know what? Take this however you want. I don’t mind.”

“That’s cold.” he scowls at you. “I always care, Niro- _chan_ , and you know that.”

“Do I?”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

You choose your wording carefully. “You don’t have to pretend to like spending time in our little dorm room with me. I’m sure chatting up girls is a much more entertaining use of your precious time.”

His eyes narrow. “That’s not a very fair thing to say. At least tell me what I did to deserve this kind of attack.”

You dodge the question poorly by forcefully directing him to _your_ train of thought. “It’s always been like this, hasn’t it? I’m not exactly the most pleasant person to be around, I know that myself. And I know that every other day there’s a new girl asking you on a date. So why are you still here all the time?”

He goes quiet for a while.

“You’re saying I dislike talking to you?”

“Duh.” You laugh. “You’re always making fun of me. You criticize my taste buds' preferences. You mock my life choices.”

“I mean. You do that to me too.” He points out. “Isn’t that our whole dynamic?”

Damn. You hate it when he’s right.

Oikawa sighs loudly and plops down next to you. “Please. Stop being so self-important. You think I’d hang around someone I don’t like just to be polite? Willingly? Have you considered the possibility that I might actually enjoy your company?”

“No. Not really.” You confess.

He makes a face at you. “Now I’m conflicted between being offended that you basically just admitted to being completely blatant about our beautiful budding friendship and concerned that you self-esteem is so worryingly low.”

“Rot in hell.” You respond sweetly.

He smiles.

Your traitorous heart skips a beat.

* * *

 

“Two assholes rooming together. Think it might be Fate?”

“Pshh. Definitely karma.”

“You’re such a romantic like that.”

“...Wait. Were you _flirting with me_ just now?”

“Have been for the past three months but thanks for noticing.”

* * *

 

“But seriously though you have a very strange idea on the term _flirting_. Either that or you just can’t function like a normal human being, and honestly both sounds equally probable.”

“I hope you step into a puddle and just _waddle around_ with wet socks for the rest of your day.”

**Author's Note:**

> scream at me on tumblr @thebottomlesspitofbottomlessness  
> like. seriously. do it. please. i'm begging you.  
> who am i kidding i still can't title OR summarize but you know what? This is already a rarepair anyway so who cares.


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